Welcome to The Parenting Knot Blog

Today I had the pleasure of coaching an amazing parent. She had become stuck as to what to do as her eldest's school grades aren't great. I asked her about her current approach and how her child was answering her questions. All she gets is 'it's hard'! My next question was 'what does your child mean by hard?' and she struggled to answer the question. We spent time unpicking how catch all words like 'hard' can stop us from truly understanding what is going on for our children. We really unpicked potential definitions and worked through scenarios on how to approach each response. Nobody tells us that as our children move into teenagehood that our tried and tested style of parenting may need to change and adapt to meet the changing needs of our children. At the end of our session she felt re-invigorated and could see a different path to walk with her child. She now will move into more of a coaching stage of parenting and with the added understanding of why it is important to unpick the catch all words they may use. Will everything we talked about today work with her child - NO but she now has the skills and confidence to adapt her parenting style to meet where her child is.

How often do you find yourself pushed for time, trying to get things done and your child asking you for something you don't want them to have for example a chocolate bar just before dinner - let's face it we've all been there. They ask you if they can have whatever it is and you think to yourself 'I've got this' and the answer is 'no'. Not satisfied with this answer your child then persists in asking again and again you say 'no'. However, your child keeps trying to find the right buttons to push to get what they feel is their desired outcome. After a little (or a lot of) toing and froing you eventually find yourself saying 'yes' to their request (honestly how did that happen?!). They leave the interaction feeling happy and you are left feeling frustrated and cross with yourself for not being able to stick to your original answer. This switch from 'no' to 'yes' teaches our children that our boundaries are not clear but open to movement with enough pushing on our children's part. One simple tip is rather than immediately saying 'no' to your child's request stop and take ten seconds to think through what they are asking and whether or not at any point in this interaction are you likely to say 'yes'. If you feel that you will ultimately end up at 'yes' then say it immediately. This teaches our children that you take a moment to consider their request and that your boundaries are clear. I know when I first stared using this strategy it took me sometime to get into this pattern of answering. I also found it useful to not get into any further discussion around the topic by either answering 'you've asked and I've answered' and/or using distraction to move away from the topic. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Out on a countryside walk I came across a corner of a field full of daisies. I love daisies as they remind me of long, lazy summer days. No routines with endless ways to fill my days (or not). However, this idyllic vision really isn't a reality (I think I've read too many summer novels!). Summer break brings with it a change of routines which, children may find hard to manage. You may see more emotional dysregulation in your child. Children thrive on routines and clear boundaries. As adults it is important, wherever possible, to maintain some of our children's normal routines like meal and bed times. However, it is important to embrace the change in pace, encourage your children to try new things and turn outings such as walking in the woods into adventures becoming a nature trail scavenger hunt. Using this time to explore new things can lead to new interests and hobbies.  This slower pace also allows for everyone to unwind, be a bit bored  and recharge their batteries. So if you are looking for support during the the holidays please feel free to reach out.

This week I had the opportunity to visit the Welsh Heritage Museum, colloquially called St Fagans. I spent a lot of my childhood visiting this museum. So being in Wales gave me an excuse to return. As I was wandering around I came across a row of cottages that were all exactly the same but each cottage represented a different era. As I wandered into each house I was amazed at how much innovation and invention has changed our lives and the way we live.

I love nothing more than walking along the beach, watching the waves lap at the shore and feeling the soft, grainy sand between my toes. Sometimes the reality is very different with the seagulls swooping and keeling as they try, sometimes successfully, to steal my food. Everyday life can be similar with outside forces swooping in to try and steal our time. This can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to protect what we value. We can work together to create a plan on how to protect what you value against the seagulls of life

This week I have been attempting to get my garden flower beds under some sort of control. Long neglected, the weeds have grown tall and taken over the flower beds, strangling the plants.. Family life can be viewed through a similar lens. If we become busy with other things family routines and boundaries may become neglected and the weeds start to take over. If you need help restoring your garden, called family, back to its former state please reach out. Together we can identify what needs to be done and create a plan to help you tackle those weeds.

Hello and welcome from sunny Connecticut! Blue skies and sunshine always fills me full of hope and happiness knowing my day can be filled with endless possibilities. But how did I get to launch my own company? So let's take a Time Machine back to see where it all began.