How often do you find yourself pushed for time, trying to get things done and your child asking you for something you don't want them to have for example a chocolate bar just before dinner - let's face it we've all been there. They ask you if they can have whatever it is and you think to yourself 'I've got this' and the answer is 'no'. Not satisfied with this answer your child then persists in asking again and again you say 'no'. However, your child keeps trying to find the right buttons to push to get what they feel is their desired outcome. After a little (or a lot of) toing and froing you eventually find yourself saying 'yes' to their request (honestly how did that happen?!). They leave the interaction feeling happy and you are left feeling frustrated and cross with yourself for not being able to stick to your original answer. This switch from 'no' to 'yes' teaches our children that our boundaries are not clear but open to movement with enough pushing on our children's part. One simple tip is rather than immediately saying 'no' to your child's request stop and take ten seconds to think through what they are asking and whether or not at any point in this interaction are you likely to say 'yes'. If you feel that you will ultimately end up at 'yes' then say it immediately. This teaches our children that you take a moment to consider their request and that your boundaries are clear. I know when I first stared using this strategy it took me sometime to get into this pattern of answering. I also found it useful to not get into any further discussion around the topic by either answering 'you've asked and I've answered' and/or using distraction to move away from the topic. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
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